Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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