I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm getting married
To pizza
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize