the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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