Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
