he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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