I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize