omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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