Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
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So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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