You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
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I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
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I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's shark week go big or go home
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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