We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize