shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
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i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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