either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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