I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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