Got a toothbrush?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
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We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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