i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
