Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize