O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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