At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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