he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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