Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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