Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize