i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize