would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
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how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
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Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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