I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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