if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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