dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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