honey bunches of taint.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize