Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize