real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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