I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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