the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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