I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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