I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
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I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
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Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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