it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
as a side note pls kill me
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize