We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish I only lived at night.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
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Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
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Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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