he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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