Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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