Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
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let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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