I met the friendliest cop last night
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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