If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize