I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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