Where did you get a picture of my penis
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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