I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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