your parents love me but you hate me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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