hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
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We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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