we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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