were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
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can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
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The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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