I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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