i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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