I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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