This gyro tastes like lonliness
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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